Work, business, children, war - how to put everything together and not lose anything?
"Everyone is given according to his abilities..." I wanted to start my story with this philosophical thought. My name is Olesya Ulyanova and I am from Kharkiv. I am the CEO of an IT company Telesens, a coach of the ITGC soft skills development center, which runs several corporate programs, a top managers’ coach, a daughter, a wife, a mother of 2 children, an active participant in several volunteer projects and a consultant who actively helps people find a new job. Any self-management professional will tell you that's a lot of different roles, but I'm not complaining - this is not the time. My story is not a "how to do this right"-manual, it's a personal experience and bumps that may help you find yourself in this changing world. I don't claim to be the "ultimate truth", just sharing how I do it.
Everything changed for you and me on February 24, 2022. Our goals and dreams have become less meaningful, the future has become blurred and hazy, for some even ghostly. Each of us wondered "What to do next?" several times a day when there was an opportunity to exhale-inhale. Though we have already left the grief for our unrealized dreams in the past, or we are leaving it, as I like to think. Now is the time to get together, and it’s more important than ever. We are needed by our country and our boys who are there for us.
Our mental state is reflected in everything: on motivation, on the ability to do something, on emotions, on family and children. Not everyone is able to pull themselves together and not immediately, mostly we go headlong into work and volunteering, and forget about the most important members of our family - children and the loved ones. Everyone has their own list - whether long or short. This wasn’t my way - I used to want "everything and anytime". Something it worked for me immediately, something it took time and something I had to reject altogether, as an approach. I have created seven rules for myself, by which I manage to live, work productively and manage everything that my hands reach for, without sacrificing my family. Well, let's get started…
Rule #1. Do what needs to be done right now. Nowadays, we especially often get stuck in our phones, computers or our thoughts. Procrastination affects everyone and there is no need to be ashamed of it. Just like Baron Munchausen we are just pulling ourselves out of the swamp by our hair. Focus on basic needs: to order, to buy, to prepare, to pay, to send etc. We turn simple elementary actions into goals. The goals for the day are recorded in a notebook or wherever you are comfortable, then it becomes a habit and the planning is spread over the week. As soon as you feel that you want to expand the horizon of planning to a month or make plans for when the war ends - you have already won.
Rule #2. News once a day, calls - according to the schedule. Yes, it's scary and we need to know everything right now. We find it important to read all the messages and letters as soon as they arrive. This is what drives me - when I'm not reading the news or watching YouTube, I'm working, paying taxes, and donating to our boys. I look for and order whatever is necessary for them or conduct volunteer courses for those who really need new skills to find a job since there is nothing left of their old one. Yes, I did not have time to read the news two hours ago, but if you read it in the evening and spend this time with benefit, everyone wins.
Rule #3. Work regulations: what, when and how? I work from home and all the boundaries have been erased. Therefore, you need to create boundaries between when you work and when you spend time with your family. I think that during the pandemic, many managed to do this, or maybe not. I use several time management methods at once. From timeboxing to task management. Upload all your tasks somewhere otherwise you will forget. It doesn't matter if it's work, volunteering or something personal, I just connect the calendars and colour them in different colours to quickly navigate what belongs to what. The family understands these limits, and if not, explain. It may take time and some effort. How did we manage when we worked in the office? And yes, you show their importance to you and spend the time allocated for them with quality.
Rule #4. Leave yourself small joys. We are not robots and we also need to replenish our life resources. If we don't fill it, we are working on the edge, and such an emotional state is simply harmful. We won't last long that way, and now we simply can't relax. Spend time for yourself, for your interests: some read books, some do shopping, some walk in the forest. It doesn’t matter how you replenish the resource, the main thing is that you do it. I combine several methods from Sunday beauty rituals to watching movies with kids and popcorn (this was our family tradition before the war). It fills me up and I can continue to work at a high level of productivity.
Rule #5. Attention to children - they need it. Everything has changed not only for us but also for them. It is so convenient for us to think that children can easily tolerate all this and then forget everything. This is a mistake, unfortunately. They need us now more than ever. And what do they get? Either grumpy, exhausted parents whose conversations are only about the war, or eternally busy, who - with no doubts - do a lot of volunteering work, and not only that - a part of their business is an escape from reality. We cannot afford to treat them like this. As parents, we are simply obliged to pull ourselves together and be the island of love and comfort for them. We are obliged to explain to them what is happening now in Ukraine, why it is happening and give them the optimism that the war will end and they will live under a peaceful sky. Maybe, in a different way, but it’s fine too.
Rule #6. Keep the usual activity for children. If you don't like how your children spend their time now, change it. A lot of work and activities, yes, sometimes you want to relax. But... for them, it’s important what they did in their ordinary life, before the war. My children study in three schools at once. Shocking, I know, but it takes up almost all of their free time and keeps us up. There is a compulsory school, an online Ukrainian school since we somehow need to get knowledge, and our Kharkiv Lyceum, where we also need to complete tasks from time to time. Now in the online world, we managed to get back to drawing, physics, chemistry, and English and my son goes to IT school. Their life - if we look at their schedules - is no different from what it was before the war. I believe that this is all a new experience for them - a new circle of communication, a new language. We often talk about where we will start when we can get back home. Now there are no more tears, there is only a firm belief that we will win. How our children survive the war is our responsibility.
Rule #7. Make a list - what you would like to do or what you want to achieve. Create this list and write down the first item, then come back to it as new ideas arise. I have two such lists: the first one is goals for the next years, and the second one is for hobbies or activities that I can do now. When we have an understanding of what we want, we somehow find the strength to do it. Take time for yourself and don't forget about yourself. Only you can do what you do and you need to take care of your mental and physical health to do even more.
This list is short. There are no primary and secondary rules here - absolutely all rules are significant, and I try to follow them. "Everyone has their front, their doubts and sadness. We are here to win and we have to start with ourselves. Do your best, give your attention to those who need it the most, and plan your life further. No one and nothing will be able to divert us from the right path." Say all this to yourself every day in front of the mirror and the procrastination thoughts will disappear! Glory to Ukraine!